And...The Flowers...Are Still...Standing

You gotta love Ghostbusters. Bill Murray at his apex of
comic genius, Aykroyd doing his best fast-talking nerd role
of all time and Harold Ramis as the weirdest geek you've
ever known. I chose that line for the opening title of my
journal because it is not only a line from Ghostbusters but
it represents something. When Bill Murray (or, to the
enlightened, Dr. Peter Venkman) yanks the table cloth off
of a table in a high-class ballroom in Upper Manhattan,
crashing every plate, utensil and glass to the floor in a
deafening smash, and leaves the flowers to stand on their
own in a sea of brokenness, it is a seed of something.
Though it is a comedy, I guess I can find the seriousness
in just about anything meant to be funny, and I suppose
that for so long I've been doing just that; taking every
instance in life all too seriously and driving myself near
irreparable in the process. It's like...sitting here on this
bus (that cost me $124 for a round trip ticket) I feel a sort
of awkward distance, and in some ways, I feel way more
frightened of 'what might happen' than I ever have, but in
another stranger way...as the glasses and plates are falling
down everywhere in my life...the flowers are somehow
still standing. I guess I feel...hope. But we'll see if this
actually pans out as truth. Time to run over to the
Publix for some of those white powdery donuts. We only
have so long on pitstops. I'll write again soon.

-N

for hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and I hope that this finds you well.

All About The Deer Hunter

So...youre probably wondering where I've been.
Right. Like anyone gives a hot shit. Well it all began
a few weeks back when I woke up at 4:15 am barely
able to breathe and decided to haul my ass over to
the all night walk-in gawk-in clinic. The doctor was
this little Indian man who seemed...well...pretty
asleep. What ended up happening was not me receiving
a note for some medication but rather, after I spilled
my guts to this half asleep dark-bearded man,
about how I've been feeling. He sat there 'hmmm'ing
for a good minute and a half. Then he proceeded to
tell me that in spite of what I think, I'm not really
dying and that what I really REALLY need was time
off from my job. A novel idea, I thought. Too bad
it's not reality. The lights in his office were burning
my eyes. He reached back and wrote me a note. SO
as of 3 days ago, I am OFFICIALLY on medical leave
with FULL pay from my job. How sweet doth
the sound?

All this in regards to the DEER HUNTER...

I Have decided to head to Clairton, Pennsylvania
for a while. Watching the Deer Hunter the other
night was actually really captivating (usually it's
a movie I put on to feel worse and numb and all
that shat) and it made me want to see some of
the scenery in that movie. So...that's where I'm
headed. I feel like a character in a Douglas Coupland
book. I might die on the road somewhere, or
even go hungry somewhere in the wilderness, but
I've decided that right now the way I am,

THE WAY I'VE BEEN

is no real way to be and if there is any hint, any
morsel of something that I myself can do about it,
I'm going to...do just that. So here's to adventures.
I'll be sure to drop a note when I get somewhere,
or at least on my way to somewhere.

Imagine me going to the one country I can't stand.
Should be...fun.

N.